Archive for March, 2012

Full of hurt feelings, I begin to walk up the hill.
Raven croaks from above and Red-Shouldered Hawk circles on the air.
Feathers from a Mourning Dove appear and I pick them up.
A favorite field beckons me, suggesting I lay down upon her.
My intellect is rationally saying “There is no reason to feel sad.
Appreciate what’s happening for things are going to be better.”
My heart agrees but still feels pain and speaks gently to the
hard head “Please, allow me to express myself.”
The request is so peacefully assertive, my head backs off.
With the three feathers above my heart,
feelings of not being enough, of being unloveable,
and disgust with all things false circulate like tumbleweed.
While allowing for these feelings, the intellect can’t help but
hover with it’s weighty interjections “get over it, you know better.”
And still my heart cries its pain, while Chickadees chirp and
Raven comes again to bring friendship and magic.
Then, it is over.
Head and heart integrate, knowing the situation which brought out
the hurt today had little to do with the why the pain was there to begin with.
Recent circumstances were to bring out the emotions from the dark.
Permitting them to move out will allow for a purity in feelings and
actions taken from now forward.
We seem to have been born with a broken heart.
Giving it expression is the same as healing it.
With that I grasp the three feathers, stand up and walk home.

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How do I explain that which I’ve been building? For truly it is more of a tearing down. Disassembling my self as it were, as it was. And yet, on the outside there have been little to no changes.

My heart and soul have felt angst and sorrow in feeling such a strong pull or push to make alterations. To the point of occasional overwhelm. Yet, those very same heart and soul have not brought forth a vision of where to go, what to be. Instead, leaving us homeless, directionless. This sense is simultaneously uncomfortably lost and joyously free. Uncomfortable because my conditioned self wants to know who we are, where we are going and to what we have an allegiance. Free because we are unattached, floating, through life as pure potential. Somehow, the two aspects of this phase will integrate, allowing us to materialize the potential in alignment to our allegiance. But first a state of purity need be found and accepted. Not for what it DOES, but for the beauty of its essence alone.

Airy Fairy for sure, but still it tolls for truth and glory. Which is much more interesting than any practical opposition. What I have been building is a human life experience based on the merging of the spirit that animates the matter which is me.

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