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Archive for August, 2013

Bliss and Pain

While writing, I am sitting outside on the ground that is covered with pine needles, receiving the warmth of the sun’s rays. Beside me is one of my greatest friends and teachers, our dog Tug. This moment is bliss for me.

About a month ago, we took Tug to the vet and heard that he has osteosarcoma (bone cancer), for which little can be done. So just as the seasons are changing, so is Tug’s presence. The profound depth of feelings provoked by this projected change is astounding, as it becomes life-altering; cracking me wide open.

My greatest spiritual satisfaction is found in being outside in the natural world, just as now. Sitting with the sun warming my face and the earth warming my seat. Watching the birds fly to and fro, chit chatting as they go. Delighting in the leaves, as they dance downward—having let go of their birth place to land above the roots that nourished their growth. As my soul rejoices, Tug’s gaze is upon me. His expression is a mixture of happiness, all-knowing, pain, and love. That look touches my core.

In my world, life is eternal. We are all energy and energy can never die, only change form. This knowledge resonates within my being, and is a strong part of my perceptual system. Yet, knowing Tug’s spirit is everlasting, is of no consolation to the sadness of saying goodbye to the form he is in now. Tears fill my eyes as they take in his physical beauty and greatness of character.

Through the tears, I open further to receiving the love Tug expresses without words—while feeling deeply that which I reciprocate. Regardless of what I would choose for my own liking, my prayers are sincerely centered in him finding his own peace. Whether that be in a miracalulousy healthy body or in leaving his body behind. The word love makes one think of all happiness and warm feelings. Although it does encompass those, in certain circumstances it is also coupled with pain and sorrow. Neither life nor love is about feeling pleasant all the time, but about feeling deeply.

So as I sit here in the arms of the warm sun, along side my great friend, I thank the Gods for the depth of experience that life offers. Feeling simultaneously bliss and pain; knowing all is as it should be, simply because it is.

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