atreesvoice

For 14 years I’ve been happily publishing the Upstate New York’s independent wellness publication. While I adore facilitating the Journal’s coming together, and plan on continuing to do so, I also feel the push to create something more individualized to my personal medicine. Even though I’ve already been teaching workshops of my own creation and writing for 12 years, stating that desire out loud brings me the angst of questions like “Who am I to want more than what’s already so good? What might I say that hasn’t already been said better by others? Everyone has access to the same ideas, why would they care what I have to say?” Life is filled with contradictions. It is true that what I have to say has already been said better by others, it is also true that what I have to share is unique and valuable. With the blessing of free will, it is my choice which truism to follow. Carlos Castaneda said; “All paths are the same: they lead nowhere…. Does this path have a heart?” In that vain, the only question worth asking is “does it have heart?” Then follow only that which does.

With all that said, what I am feeling “called” to do is still in question. My passions are many…. horses, dogs, all wild animals, the woods, photography, music, writing, healing and anything genuinely related to soul and spirit. I do not doubt all this fits together, perhaps particular to me, but how? Rather than follow one to the exclusion of others, I often allow my inability to see the whole scenario to prevent me from moving solidly forward. Additionally, I already enjoy what I’m doing, why force myself to act before having clarity? The following came to me as I pondered that question…. “Seeking clarity first can be a diversion from what’s important.” The thing I’m diverting from may be my greatest contribution to life. The responsibility of getting that “right” feels overwhelming, hence the deviation. Alternatively, and perhaps more painfully, it could mean nothing to anyone. Who’s to know until it’s created? The path with heart will not necessarily bring us success or adoration, yet to our soul it is of the greatest importance we follow it. Regardless, we are always given the choice to do it or not.

I mention all this because there may be many who relate. While I feel confused, others see me as someone who knows what she’s up to. Again, both are true. Often, finding yourself baffled is a sure sign you are on the right track to your place in the world. Soul-filled questions are what bring out the genuine from the unexamined. Confusion is not an enemy, apathy is. Choose what you want to believe and go forth in confusion, so long as it has heart.